I've started this writing over five times already because I have so much to say and don't know where to begin. I always strive for perfection, and although I know it's not always achievable, I try to come very close to the mark.
As I sit in front of my computer, I wonder: Should I stop typing and try my hand at it tomorrow? A rested mind...clarity in the morning. Maybe my words will flow better. Maybe I won't have to delete as much. However, the flip-side of me says, "But you committed to yourself that you'd write this TODAY", so a big part of me wants to get it done—but I want it done "right"!
You see, I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. I've come a long way with completely being one. I've accepted who I am—and I like being me. I've had to make some much-needed and necessary adjustments over my lifespan because there was a time when, if it wasn't on point or close enough to the mark, it wouldn't sit well with me. I'd have issues because it had to be "right". I'm analytical and extremely detail-oriented. When you mix all of those things into one, you have me. At one point in time, it was a lot for me to bear.
I knew I had to make changes within me because I couldn't control anyone else. I had to teach myself how to let things go. I recognized that when my daughter was born. Being the perfectionist I was, everything in my house was in its place—and you wouldn't find a speck of dust anywhere. Perfect is how I lived (or close to it).
Back to my daughter...
When she was old enough to play with toys, my house couldn't keep its perfect-looking appearance. There were toys everywhere! Even though we cleaned up, that aspect of her childhood drove me up a wall. That's when I recognized that the "issue" was within me. I had to continually tell myself that it was okay and that there was nothing I could do about it. The last thing I wanted was for my daughter not to be able to have fun with her toys. As such, if it meant having a room full of toys all over the floor, SO BE IT!
I knew I needed to tweak myself to maintain my sanity—and trust me: It wasn't an easy process. It was HARD to let go of order and allow chaos to step in. That's how I viewed it, anyway... As time went on, my adjustments became easier and a "New Me" emerged.
I am no longer a true perfectionist, even though I still strive to hit that mark. I now know that with every new year, tweaking is a part of the process; a part of my personal growth.
In 2017, there were lessons learned, successes achieved, and goals met. There were also heartaches, losses, gains, ups, and downs...you know: "LIFE". 2018 will surely bring some of the same. No one has the best of everything all the time, but it's how I handle my lessons learned that will make THIS year better than the last.
I've shed all that dead 'skin' and renewed my spirit-woman. I embrace this new year and all the challenges it has in store for me because I am stronger and wiser. My adaptability to change within was made easier by one word:
It was my love for my daughter that helped me to see: It's not that big of a deal. Let it GO!
I welcome 2018 with my head held high. I don't have a problem tweaking anything that helps make me a better person.
Thank you very much Trinette for your support and for taking this journey with me. Glad you enjoyed the blog.
Yes, Lillian - you've got it darlin'! Thank you for reading and showing your support! Much appreciated.
"Continue to let God guide you and Order Your steps!
~ Trinette Collier Greene, 2/3/18 ~
Photo Credit: Devin A. Hillery
Alexandra, so glad you enjoyed reading this piece! Thank you very much! God bless.
"Keep up the great work!! This is amazing. You are so talented!"
~ Devin Hillery, 3/16/18 ~
Tweaking: A Part of the 'Process'
By Cindy Hillery Reed
(c) January 31, 2018
Thank you so much Devin. I'm very proud of you and the journey you're on. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and for showing your ever loving support to your Mom. May God continue to guide your steps Son. I love you.
"God will never leave me or forsake me, all I need to do is wait on Him."
~ Lillian Alexander, 3/16/18 ~
Marlowe, thank you very much for your kind words. I hope you continue following me on my spiritual journey. God bless.
I BElieve... I Receive
By Cindy Hillery Reed
(c) March 16, 2018
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"Good personal insight and sharing. Keep growing, thanks
~ Marlowe Scott, 1/31/18 ~
"Filled with words of encouragement and reaffirming tweaking is necessary through out the process...Love it!!"
~ Alexandra Esperance, 1/31/18~
"Love the depth of your wall and understanding of our Christian walk! Continue sharing!" 😃
~ Marlowe Scott, 3/16/18 ~
Photo Credit: Devin A. Hillery
Florence - thank you so much for sharing your testimony with me. I truly appreciate that. I'm glad you my message speaking directly to you, that's a blessing within itself. May God continue keeping you in strong in faith.
"Cindy, thank you for sharing your experience on waiting after you have made your petition known to God. I had a medical appointment this morning. I saw a woman that I had not seen for years. As we talked, I mentioned that I no longer have a vehicle. She said to me, " I didn't have one either until one of my friends bought me one." She said, I know that I needed one. I just took my mind off of it, and everything just started. opening up and happening all at once." I believe that when we focus on and desire things more than we desire God, that we get counterfeit results. Meaning, when we want to take things into our own hands, we don't get the true blessing that He desires for His children to have. Many times we have to ask God to undue our counterfeit stuff , because we didn't wait for His genuine blessing. Thank you again Cindy for reminding me about waiting. This message was for me. Thank you, be blessed. "
~ Florence Wilson, 3/16/18 ~
Being a Christian, I know the meaning behind the statement, "Wait on God's timing". I believe it and I've told it to others, yet I find it challenging at times for me to totally commit myself to doing just that. Waiting.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am fully-anchored in faith. I know that the Lord will continue to bless me and never leave me. He'll protect me, guide me, speak to me, and work through me; so, why is it that I can't submit fully to waiting on His timing? I want to and I try to, but I often find myself praying for the same thing over and over again OR telling God about how I needed "it" 'yesterday'. Who am I to rush God for something I desperately need or want? The Father knows all my needs, He hears my prayers, and I know in His time, He will make a way—yet my situations cause me to continue asking with urgency.
Growing up in New York, I've always known that outsiders said New Yorkers rush everything. We speak fast. We walk fast. Everything is done quickly, which is where the coined phrase, "In a New York minute", came from. Could my impulses to do everything quickly and want everything right away be due to my childhood environment? Maybe. Maybe not. I personally think that many people who go to the Father in need are like me. We don't know how to wait on God's timing. We want everything "now", not later.
I know that God's timing is perfect. I believe He opens doors when they're supposed to be opened and I believe that the Father's divine intervention is flawless—meaning His timing is always "right on time". Lately, I've paid attention to the fact that I'm rushing my blessings. My prayers include how much I need "this" or "that" and how I need it "NOW". Who am I to set the terms of my blessings? Who am I to negotiate with the Father?
If I want to receive my blessings that I know are coming... If I want the Father to close and open doors for me... If I want the Lord to make a way out of no way, then I need to trust Him and know that He's got me. He doesn't need coaching, gentle nudges, or reminders of how to bless me. I need to exhale, trust, and pray for what I need and want. I need to remind myself that I step out on faith all the time, and that stepping out on faith is all-inclusive. If I step out on faith, I've got to wait on His timing.
You see, the enemy will try to derail what we know we should do by showing us that we can't wait on God and that waiting will cause more problems. Or the enemy will cause us to react because we haven't heard from God yet, so we'll try doing things our way. We know our way isn't God's way, so one of my daily commitments to myself and the Lord will be for me to pray that God gives me strength to hold on in difficult times. Why? Because He promised me better days.
I'm going to wait on God's timing because He hasn't failed me yet!
So happy to have your support Marlowe. Thanks for reading and commenting. It's folks like you that give me another reason to continue writing. Glad you enjoyed the blog.